It’s World Beard Day today and as we at Sound The Charge! use beards/facial hair in our totally legitimate rating system, it seems fitting to share some music made by some mighty beards (or those lucky to be attached to said beard. Therefore we present to you a list of five bearded behemoths (Behemoth aren’t in this). Also, please keep reading after the list, there are updates and so forth for those of you who support unsigned bands.
The Beards – You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man
Alright, so it may not be metal exactly, but The Beards deserve some sort of mention on this, the holiest of bearded days (apart from maybe Christmas, Santa has a mean beard). Their stance on beards is unparalleled and together they may just rid this world of beard racism, by exterminating those who don’t have beards
Clutch – Burning Beard
Clutch. Who doesn’t love Clutch? We use Neil Fallons black hole of a beard to rate hard rock so it’s fitting that we bush up this list with a Clutch song. Though we might not support the title of the song itself, unless you could keep it burning forever, that would be badass.
Black Label Socitey – Parade Of The Dead
Another obvious one, it might not be the most well-kept beard on the planet but a messy beard means a messy death, for some reason.. Anyway, this thing has survived countless drunken antics, and when you’re asleep around drunken people for some reason facial hair is the first thing to go, this beard survived, therefore makes the list.
Turisas – Rasputin
Right, this is a funny one. While the members of Turisas aren’t the hairiest in the facial department apart from Jussi, they do have a song about a certain man, from Russia long ago. Rasputin, the man who couldn’t be killed (or at least not without a frightening amount of effort, it was easier to kill the Terminator in the first movie). They say when Samson cut his hair he would lose his strength; therefore it stands to reason that Rasputin was kept alive so long by his magnificent beard. Here is a song to celebrate that terrifying bastard.
Amon Amarth – Pursuit of Vikings
Look at this motherfucker, if he windmilled hard enough he could probably whip you to death with his hair or beard. As we said in the rating system, this beard is endorsed by Thor himself so we have no hesitation In listing this as our favourite beard for fear of being struck down by the Thunder God.
Bonus: Slow mo battle beard!
You may be reading this thinking, “what cheap journalism.” Sitting there scoffing that we should be working reviewing something instead of writing silly articles about beards.
And you’d be right.
We’ll review something later. For now, happy Beard Day.
A quick note on the coming updates we have planned. We’ll be running a hopefully weekly feature on unsigned acts. We get a respectable amount of hits per day so it would be nice to use this position to spread some love for the unsigned bands out there waiting for a label to take notice. If you’re in a band, or know a band you want featured, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, tweet us (link in the sidebar) or comment somewhere on the site. We’ll check them out and hopefully get an article up about them. They’ll run on a Sunday as part of the, wait for this …Sun-signed spotlight. Isn’t that just the worst attempt at humour you’ve ever read?