As a guy who is used to reviewing music, be it live or on record, reviewing a physical item is going to present a bit of a challenge. Throwing words like aroma around seems unfamiliar (I also half suspect Joey DeMaio will come and punch me if I overuse it) after rambling on about production quality for all this time. Nevertheless, here is a review of the three beard oils I recently got from Bath Sabbath, the heavy metal themed bath and body shop. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go here for the full article. If you’re all caught up, we shall begin.
Aroma (*gets punched in the face*)
To read the full description of each item, click here (you can also get each oil individually).
Have you ever been to a Christmas market? There is one in Glasgow that serves warm beers and ciders from mid-November. The smell is almost reminiscent of the market, the warm syrupy drinks and the smells from the various craft stalls all fight for attention. It must be the sensory memory the smell triggers, but it can’t help make you feel a little festive and that’s a good way to start your day off.
This oil lives up to the description, especially the references to sweetness. There’s almost a Haribo like quality to it when sniffed directly from the bottle. When it’s applied to the hair it’s a much gentler smell though, like all three oils.
Perhaps the most “sophisticated” of the three. The description states that it was designed in part to “reference Cernunnos’ beloved forests” and it certainly achieves that. When you smell it straight from the bottle you don’t pick it up quite as much, but when you apply a little bit to your beard you get a nice woody sort of smell.
At its longest, my beard is around five to six inches. I found that two to three drops were more than enough to spread the oil through the hair. This barely made a dent in the bottle so you won’t find yourself saving it for special occasions.
My beard was immediately softer. It took very little time to dry in and there was no greasy residue in the hair.
The bottles come with a dropper so you won’t waste any oil by spilling it out onto your hand. Bottle caps appear to be very solid with no leakage. The bottles aren’t bulky and unless you’re very clumsy, they wont easily be knocked over.
Now that I was familiar with what I had, it was time to head out into the world. I’ve kept a rough mini diary (I can’t express how many people have felt/smelled my beard, I fear I’ll end up on some form of register by the end of this)
Beard Oil Diary: Day 1
6pm: Apply a few drops of Odin on my hands and rub through beard. Spend next five minutes sniffing my beard before proceeding to annoy everyone else in the house by demanding they smell it. Everyone agrees it’s good while trying not to get hair in their face.
6:30pm: Leave house to travel to my first destination. Journey involves taking test sniffs to see if it’s still as strong as it was on application. The strange man sniffing his beard draws worried looks from fellow passengers.
Arrive shortly after. “Hello, sniff my beard.” This will one day become an accepted greeting, but for now it’s met with confusion. After the confusion wears off it is agreed that my beard smells and feels great. In terms of feel, I haven’t had any on in the last day or so, and it is still feeling soft. All jokes aside, three days of using the oil has already improved the condition of the beard.
8.15pm: Arrive at bar, get drinks. Avoid telling anyone to sniff my beard for approximately five minutes before breaking. The beard is sniffed and once again and the general consensus is it’s a winner.
8:30-…. : The problem with bars, beer and time keeping is that they are not good bed fellows. As bearded readers will know though, a pint has the unfortunate habit of sometimes getting in your beard and running down your chin a bit. Over the course of five hours or so, did the oil manage to resist being mixed with a selection from the Wetherspoon’s ale festival (it’s a wonderful time of the year)? Yes, surprisingly. I had by now become fairly immune to the smell, but it was still there.
In the morning there was nothing to smelled, but that possibly down to the mix of beer and various foodstuffs spilled down it.
Days 2 and 3
The second day was the turn of Hades, while the third was Cernunnos.
The story remains similar up until the bar part, where the nights were instead spent in, watching movies. Maybe it’s due to this that the scents lasted longer, well into the next day. The softness certainly stayed.
- Survived people smoking nearby though my clothes didn’t
- Survived a sweaty walk
- Survived cooking smelly food
- Survived two sweaty band practices
- Hades, at the time of writing, is the overall winner in my book, though my girlfriend favours the Odin. It also seemed to last the longest, though more tests need to be done on that.
Smell (I don’t want another punch):
Not overpowering: Appropriate for most occasions: While some deodorants and aftershaves might be a little strong for a job interview, or a busy concert. The beard oils here, as long as they’re used sparingly, could fit most if not all occasions.
Long lasting: While they don’t hold the same initial strength, they do stick around a lot longer than you would expect.
Non-greasy: This is a big one. If you’ve used beard oil before you’ll have most likely read some reviews about how certain products are greasy, some having derived from baby oil. Once the Bath Sabbath product is applied, there is little to no grease (obviously if you touch it within the first thirty seconds or so of it being applied there will be a little moisture, but after that you can’t really detect it)
Soft: I have quite a rough beard which has never really been tamed by traditional conditioner or otherwise. I can report that after using the product, the hair took on a whole new softness. This lasted longer than the smell, and I didn’t notice any tangles or knots forming.
As I mentioned somewhere above, it’s only been a few days and I’m seeing a marked improvement in the hair quality. It’s early yet but I will remember to come back and update this in the future after extended usage.
Value for money
The product is certainly worth it when you look at the prices of other beard oils on the market. Despite living in Scotland it was cheaper, or at least equivalent to ordering some brands from the UK Amazon. I would readily recommend buying from overseas for these scents.
Being able to tell people you have Odin in your beard will never stop being glorious.
I got a small spot on a coloured shirt and it washed out. I can’t say if a full bottle would wash out but you probably shouldn’t drop full bottles of things on your clothes in the first place.
I don’t know if number ratings are common on beard oil type products, but it’s certainly worth the full five out of five Johan Hegg beards. You might be tempted to brush themed beard oil off as a joke but trust me, it will make your beard look, smell and feel better, and unless you’re some sort of badass lumberjack you really can’t turn that down. Remember to visit the link at the top of the page to get yours.